The World Wid Web of Deception(WWWD)

I've seen it before, I lived it for a long time, I know the sentiments and feelings all to well. I admit I have fallen victim to it a time or two myself. The words written inside this little world have broken and battered many hearts and souls since its beginning with chat rooms, pornography at your finger tips and another lonely soul just seeking momentary comfort in the words they find here.

I think everyone has been prey for those who claim to be single and all the while the spouse or significant others sit silently in the background ..waiting to be noticed. I think everyone has been touched by the subtle lies of the person that hides behind the screen on both sides. I further think that this web of deception has become so comfortable to all of us that we forget where reality ends and the game begins.

Facing the truth is difficult, but if not me who else would dare to blatantly discount the lies? If I didn't at least talk about the subject I would be doing all of you a great disservice and promote the idea that there is more to this box then there really is. I know you all have come to rely on and relate to my postings of the blog monster, what kind of person would I be without my analysis of this as well?

For anyone that truly pays attention to my blogs (yes I know YOU do, lol) you will find me in there, me in my naked truth. My words are my secrets, they are me, without my writing I would surely die with an unsatisfied life. I chose a long time ago to use my words to free myself and enlighten this dreary heart.

So many use the words on here to change the simple world that they live in. They use words against others unwittingly to promote and yet hide behind the insecurities they hold. I know there are those here that would be as I am, for you my cohorts I know you will understand.
Words to people like us are our souls, they are our life force and we take for granted what others say to be the truth as well. We lack the power to understand that in our own nakedness others are covered more then we could ever imagine.

The song by the Bee Gees plays loudly in my ears at this moment ..."its only words and words are all I have to take your heart away." My suggestion is finding it and listening to it, its so very true and hits my heart so hard at this moment. I can barely write from losing myself to that song in its complete honesty to how those who like me search for a better understanding of those who use words without meaning behind them.

I understand the need to feel loved, cherished, adored and accepted. In my past I too used the WWWD to quell the need only to find that the depression and lack of reality were worse then the original loneliness was. It always left me darker and more withdrawn into myself.

On the other side of that I have also been the one being ignored for the call of the WWWD by a man that just couldn't manage to talk to me, that my words didn't fill, that preferred the constant barrage of woman throwing themselves at him. It hurt me so deeply, I longed for him to see, to feel, to dedicate my words only to him while he squandered his on those who were not real or there.

I hear/heard often "what I say to you is whats real, they are just killing time" or "you get all the real stuff, they get only the words", for someone that words are a life force its so much more then that. I couldn't make him see that for me to share with another, to connect through my words, to give of my heart in that manner was to give my soul to him.

I changed back then, I withdrew into my little books with my pen in hand poured my soul into that ink instead of him. I withdrew so far that even I became so distant in the writings that would never be read. I hid there for a long time, believing myself to be safe there, convinced that keeping my words to myself was safer then then allowing someone to misinterpret my heart again.

To the readers of these words is yet another thing. They can draw from my ink well and take from me all they wish to see and feel. I at times pour out my heart in a way that confuses the reader into believing something that is less then accurate, I use analogies and indirect statements that create questions. I use open ended statements that can be construed into several different meanings, yes I do this on purpose. Its not designed to confuse or create an air of mistaken identity, that is the furthest thing from my intentions. My intention is to create questions, to seek answers that otherwise go unnoticed to the naked eye. I feed on the curiosity of who people truly are, where they hide their hearts and minds. I attempt to draw people from the safety of the comfort zone and bring them into a light of understanding, to free them of the restraints that I can see on them.

Dad always said I talked to much and would "talk to a fence post if I thought it was listening" lmao, he was a great mind with so many little quips of humor to hide his own self behind. Today I realize how very right he was, I do talk to fence posts through my little books. There is no response but a constant understanding that I desperately seek with an unconditional silence.
I plunder my way through my blogs, emails and journal with a deep understanding of what I seek and the knowledge of how I affect others even though I do not seek to find love or fulfillment through it.

It is him that quotes my words with the sweetest lips that brings me to my knees, how did that happen? How does one who lives through the absence of physical touch be touched so deeply? How did he take me so off guard and grab my heart with so much understanding while holding it so gently and a loving gaze upon my soul. That man is my soul mate, he is my mirror, my savior and my guide. My life has been given to him and I live solely for the light he shines upon me.
Strange how what seems to quiet my restless soul has entranced and held me in this place of deception where my words ring with truth and light. It truly has no real life here or does it? Will my secret honesty thrive in the dregs of the false? I do believe it does, there is so much fertilizer here that the garden over flows with abundance and yet often overlooked by the weeds that try to choke it out.

I love my words. I hope for you to find some comfort here, find some recognition and truth for yourself in my words.