What's that you say? Brat II.....

In January 2010 my oldest daughter turned 18, she was still a senior in high school while being enrolled in college and a career tech center as well. She had a lot on her plate, little did I know at the time exactly how much was really there and that the plate in question wasn't very strong.

Shortly after her birthday I got a private message on facebook from her asking me to come to her room. When I arrived there I found her under her covers, face damp and eyes swollen; it was obvious she had been crying for some time and by her hiccups fairly hard too. When I asked her what was wrong she simply said "I'm not happy here, I am moving out." My heart shattered in that moment but I managed to choke out "Ok. I understand and respect your decision, but I would really prefer you stay to finish school up so things don't have to be so hard on you." She cried more and buried herself under her covers once again. I left the room fighting back my own tears.

A little while later into the evening she had made a post again on facebook that my husband and I were fighting. Which we were not, we were not even close to fighting, he was consoling a broken hearted mother that couldn't face that her child didn't want to be with her anymore but preferred the company and home of my only sister (who along with my mother have fought with me since my first child to take them from me.) I was lost, heartbroken and shattered.

I confronted her on her apparent disregard and lack of respect for me and my personal privacy and we ended up in an argument that led to her advancing on me and physically threatening me and herself. It was apparent she couldn't leave without me fighting with her to ease her conscience and that her real trouble was being overwhelmed with all that she had going. My child was depressed and it terrified me.

I reached out to my sister for help to calm my daughter down which resulted in threats to call the police on me for holding her here. All I did was try to talk, I never stood in her way at all, yet I ended up calling the local police for help. Huge mistake on my part.

She turned those big brown tear filled eyes on the officer and LIED to his face, he believed this child and had her removed with the promise that the next day she would talk to me and we would go to conflict resolution counseling and she agreed.

The next day comes. No phone call as the officer promised. Instead I see my mothers truck pull into my driveway along with a police car. By the time we reached the bottom of the stairs INSIDE my house to get to the door we were met by an officer and my daughter. Nobody rang the doorbell, she did not have key and they were the same officers from the previous night who KNEW she had left. Yet they were allowed to unlawfully enter my home, violate my privacy, harass and intimidate me and my husband because "we are doing a civil standby". Officers in this area DO NOT do this regularly and it is still unlawful entry and the officer knew it, we have since reported them and they have been suspended from the force.

My daughter packed and bagged her belongings and left. Only to harass me via emails, text messages, driving by and sending Childrens protective services here repeatedly with nothing ever found wrong with me, my home or my children. She is now on a watch list with the local prosecutor for filing false reports.

Stay tuned for the next installment of the "brat blogs"

What's that you said? BRAT....

I am nearing the day most mothers dread, my oldest child Jon will turn 21 in just a couple of weeks!

My heart is so full of pride for him I could just burst, you see my son has aspergers. This disease is one of a very high functioning autism. He wasn't diagnosed until in high school. Of course I heard all of the teachers comments about him being ADD and ADHD most of his school career, but something always felt, well, just not right about it. When I received the call from a therapist at the high school requesting permission for him to be tested and the suggestion that I look it up and see what my opinion was about it. Of course I agreed and was shocked, amazed, relieved, and finally felt hope for him. He is in college now and still suffers with some anxiety surrounding his disorder, but otherwise he is a fine man.

He has been planning this birthday for at least two years now with his brother Corey who is one year and five days younger then Jon. Jon has never drank ANYTHING containing alcohol so these brothers have now planned that Corey is taking him out for his 21st birthday, buying his drinks and being the sober driver for him. This of course is a trade off that Jon will return the favor next year for Corey, who has A LOT of experience with drinking!

Here's the hitch...Corey will at that time be in the military. He has chosen to serve this great country as an Army Civil Engineer. He is due to take his testing and get sworn in soon (he would have done it already had his mommy not asked him to be home for just one more Christmas). I am very proud of this young man and the choices he is making for his life as well. When we talked about him entering the Army he said "Mom, no drill sergeant will ever be as hard, as loud, as scary, as motivating as you were with us kids growing up!" I of course laughed and replied "I wasn't called sergeant mom for nothing!" We laughed knowing the truth behind those words and that no matter how much we tried to play it down there really was no other way for a single mother of 4 to work 2 full time jobs and keep them in line as well.

My children are my whole world. Without them I don't know if I would be the person I am today. I have learned so much from them over the years, the tears I cried with them over broken hearts, the anger from frustrations trying to communicate, the times we just took the good with the bad and held onto each other. They are all almost grown now and my home is getting quieter by the year. I don't like to think of myself as an empty nest mom, I prefer to think of it as "brat free time".

For now that will have to be enough on the kids...there is so much more to tell, this is only the start of my "Brat blogs".

Its been to long

It seems that life has gotten in the way of my personal goals and my commitment to my writing. I feel that in this time of absence I have missed part of me, put myself on a shelf in a dark corner and collected dust.

I am now attempting to renew my commitment and return to what I love the most, my words. I know that it may sound silly or even a bit crass for a mother and wife to say that words are my first and only true love, but they are; they come from so deep within myself that some days I find myself wandering around unsure of what to do next. I fully intend to take that part of me back off that shelf thanks to a wonderful loving group of women that I call my sisters and friends that brought it to my attention only recently how much I have shriveled away and demanded that I allow the woman of words her freedom once again. Thank you girls, you are truly the best friends a woman could ever have. You have never once told me what I wanted to hear but always what I needed to hear no matter how much it hurt, I am forever grateful to you!

I can't promise that my blog will be witty, wise or even touching. After all this is my place to put my own touch on this world, to make my mark, to let people know that I exist and I feel that I am important enough for that.

I am in the final stages of yet another book of poetry; while I work on proofreading others work for them and offering my opinion on flow and grammar usage, I did get a degree in English with a 4.0 GPA, so I can say with some certainty that I have a handle on the written word.

I have also begun posting my handmade items on an Etsy account; have photos on Deviant art and if you would like links to these pages, simply ask. I am no longer going to be afraid of criticism from others, it is what makes me better as an artist and I realize that now as well.

Since my last posting my lupus again threatened me to the core of my being. Some days are worse then others but I am finding ways around those days with laughter and friends. The medication list has grown and evolved just like my disease and every day is a new day with new effects, new challenges and of course new trials to overcome.

Thank you to those of you who have hung in there waiting for my return. I hope I won't disappoint you with my new lease on blogging and bear with me while I regain the woman I am meant to be.

More About Me

I would like to take this opportunity to dangle my feet off the dock and share a little about my life with you, come and sit, get to know me a bit, take a walk through my garden smell the roses, rub the herbs and please don't pull any weeds (some of those weeds are pretty and functional too).

I have lived my entire life in Northwest Lower Michigan. We say we live in the pinky area of the mitt just to give you an idea. The town used to be very small and country, actually the town I grew up in on an old dirt road was a farming community and town was a half an hour ride away.

Growing up in the country I was one of two daughters and the oldest of all the grandkids, cousins and what not. My grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, cousins and the occaisional "adopted" family members played major roles in my rearing.

When I was 4 my little sister was born and my life ended. My Uncle began molesting me and at the time I thought it just meant he thought I was special. In my heart of hearts I believe he would have never gotten to me had my mother not been distracted by the new baby, but blame never seems to get me anywhere, it is what it is and its over now. The molestation continued until I was 14 because nobody would stop it but me at that time. They knew, I know they knew because I told.

As an adult I had a series of bad relationships that ulitmately led me into the court system testifying against my abusive ex-husband. He was convicted twice of domestic violence against me with the final sentence falling extrememly short of justice. But he is gone and has been out of my face for a while now. Thankfully.

I have 4 bilogical children, 2 step children, 2 daughters that call me dad because I was best friends with their mom and we basically raised our kids together as co-parents and one more daughter that I like to call "of my heart", there is one more daughter that is an ex-step but we remain very close. From these fine children 6 are adults, one is nearing adulthood frighteningly fast and three remain in the home for a minimum of 6 more years. I have been blessed with 5 grandkids (2 boys and 3 girls) and love them all to pieces!

I married my friend of 10 years a couple of years ago and I would like to say its been easy but I just can't. He was a widower with a little girl living with him full time, this little girl lost her mom at a very young age to a drunk driver. This is still something we deal with daily as she tries to sort it out with her age appropriate rationalizations. For the most part our relationship is strong and healthy, its nothing like I have ever experienced in my entire life and I am very thankful to have him with me during this journey.

On a very personal level (like it hasn't been already..sigh) I have been sick for about 7 years with uncontrollable fatigue, headaches, joint pain, body pain, etc. I have undergone treatments and tests that have only recently allowed for a diagnosis....I have Lupus. Those three words were harder to write then I was molested, thats unnerving.

Well there you have it, me in a nutshell. I of course will probably inundate you with stories of my kids, grandkids, life, people who annoy me and crafty things I do around the house and for the holidays!