After writing about my "Mary Christmas" the other day and hit the "publish post" button my dad's sister called almost instantaneously. It was funny really, I was still choking back the tears of memory when her name popped up on my phone and made me smile. I really love that woman and she always knows when to call me, she must have me lojacked or something; none the less, I love talking to her.
My dad had two sisters and a brother growing up. When he and his mother (Mary Christmas) passed away in May 7 long years ago I became lost. I didn't know where to turn. I felt orphaned to say the least. Then just a couple of short months later his brother died as well. It pushed me over the top and I couldn't bear to be without those who always loved and supported me unconditionally. What I didn't see at that time was the love that had always been there by "the Aunts" as they are now called by my cousins; for me they are more then Aunts, they are phenomenal women who have tested time, raised wonderful kids whom I call cousins but are really more like siblings to me.
Its a weird position to be in for me. I am the oldest child, the oldest grandchild, oldest niece and for them I was special. I still can't figure out what the heck was so special about me to my 5 Aunts that helped raise me and my two grandmothers who always stood for me when I made mistakes without judgment. When Grandma died or rather when the decision had to be made to let her go, they all seemed to look at me for the answer even though they had all known that we should let her go, they still included me in the decision. As a matter of fact my next oldest cousin DEMANDED that I come immediately and tell Grandma to let go, because "you are the only one she will listen to". I did as was requested with a broken heart, I never wanted to let her go, but I knew that she didn't' want to see her sons die either because she had told me so quite pointedly.
Maybe some can never understand the connection I had to my Grandmother's, Aunts and Uncles but to be honest, they were more like extra parents growing up and my cousins were just extended siblings to me. We were all very close.
It wasn't about what my Aunt Gayle wanted from me when she called, she just simply called to say "I love you, I am proud of you, and I couldn't ask for a better niece ever." Considering that my own mother has deemed me unforgivable, this just broke me. How can so many women love and respect me and yet my own mother doesn't know me at all?
I had been meaning to call her myself for a very silly reason but she works a weird shift and I didn't want to bother her sleep pattern or work for that matter, but in this call I got what I had been desperately seeking....an old recipe that I remember fondly from Christmas's past. Its a simply cookie recipe but one that once i make them will bring forward all those past Christmas's and make things right in my little world for just a little while.
I am off to sew my projects for christmas, quilts, rag dolls, bears, pajamas and other little soft creatures for the kids, grand-kids. nieces, nephews and great nephew. There are of course other projects in play too but I just don't know when the Christmas craft day will happen with the family and friends, that's always a good time! I will be sure to post some pictures of the fun stuff going on and in the tradition of homemade Christmas presents.
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