Mary Christmas

Yes a play on words but one of major significance to me and my life. It represents a real woman, a real life, a real love of family, the holiday and life in general. She was my Grandmother.

Growing up I never understood those who didn't gather with family on the holiday's, especially Christmas. From my very first breath in this world until today Christmas has held a very special place in my heart, not just because of presents, they never really mattered and were never really the main component to the holiday thanks to Grandma.

My Grandmother by anyone's standards could be considered amazing. She did everything! She raised children, worked outside the home, took care of us Grandchildren while our parents worked, cooked, cleaned, went to church, crafted, grew food, canned...I honestly don't think there was a thing she couldn't do.

When it came to holidays Grandma excelled. She was an amazing hostess for any type of party but when it came to Christmas she would just shine.

Christmas Eve was always dedicated to my Grandparents house with family and those friends deemed family by the nature of my Grandparents willingness to open their home and lives to those who had nobody else. It could be that it was how they were raised in farming communities where neighbors were few and far between and interdependence was essential to survival. For whatever reason they were the most important days of my life.

On Christmas eve's my fathers family would gather at his parents house, my cousins and I would run around playing while the adults would play cards and talk. It often would get loud in that tiny house with all of us there, but you couldn't mistake the love and pride in Grandma's eyes watching us kids grow up.

Grandma gave so much of herself that she often left little for herself and she rarely complained. When she got sick nearly 8 years ago now we all had a difficult time adjusting to her being "down and out". She was always so vital that seeing her infirm shook me to my core and I really didn't know how or what to make of it.

My Grandmother only ever asked one thing of me after all her years of giving to me and making me feel especially loved. She asked that I name my oldest daughter after her, I did without a question. I even gave her name the spelling that Grandma requested. It for me was more then just a gesture to my beloved Grandmother, she was a symbol of hope, of a life lived and loved deeply.

As my daughter entered school the other children of course made jokes and teased her around the holiday and thus nicknamed her "Mari Christmas", she hated it; but somewhere deep inside me I smiled.

Grandma has now been gone 7 long years, Christmas is coming once again and I find myself not wanting to celebrate, not wanting to put up my tree or any lights. It's just not the same any more. Long gone are the days of the homemade flannel nightgowns, the food, the music, Grandma's Christmas sweaters and jewelry that would adorn her starting the day after Thanksgiving, gone are the days of childhood laughter and so are the the days of my Mary Christmas.